look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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