I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
