Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
