He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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