fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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