Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
