i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
