Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
