wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize