Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
