I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
