Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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