My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i love accidental penises.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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