you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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