You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
