I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i think i just lost a toe
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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