You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
