Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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