he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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