This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
