Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
