last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
only if we run a train.
done.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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