last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
