i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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