I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
