ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
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she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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