I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
