At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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