I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
