Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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