My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
