Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
