i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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