i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
