i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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