You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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