I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
don't judge my taste in strippers
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
