I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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