i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
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Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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