I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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