Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
