the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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