True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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