I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
