Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize