my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
