I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
