Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
