I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
