I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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