What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
