Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
