Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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