Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
