Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
