im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
