Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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