i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
