My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
