i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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