Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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