Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
