At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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