So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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