Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
