The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
