he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Never let your siblings swipe right.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
