He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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