just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
