With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
