Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
