Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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