Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
