Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
where are my eyebrows?
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