And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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