This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
